This is Steve reporting for Listen Up on the 16th of February, 2023.

I haven’t done a report for a bit. That’s because I’ve been doing other stuff for Groundswell. . I’ve been doing  HPAA work, Homeless Health Peer Advocacy. And yeah, I have to say, I find it really rewarding, you know, for a few reasons, primarily because I’m in early recovery it gives me purpose, you know, because I’m not the kind of person who can sit in the house all day listening to other people’s bollocks basically. I’m not very good at that. And basically, I can’t…ermm, I’m not very good at that.

And in the past I always end up saying oh fuck this and then I’m bored and all that stuff. The reality is that there is no reason for me to be bored there is load of really rich things for me to do and fulfilling things for me by going out, helping someone, you know. And that’s what I’ve been doing. I’ve been doing the in reach in hostels and you know, the best thing about that is, because my DBS hasn’t come through yet I can’t loan work but what i can do is be in hostel setting and encourage people to engage with health issues by sharing a bit of my story.

You know, I was in addiction for a long arsed time. I’ve had enough experiences with bad health things that i can draw on And what I’ve discovered is that…I knew this anyway but it is good to have evidence of it because fundamentally we’re all the same. So if I’ve gone through it, someone else will be going through it. They might interpret it different but for me, whether I’m right or wrong is irrelevant.

I think that’s… I believe that should be the case, you know, and not that’s what’s been going on. And the good thing… I was saying to a friend the other day, you know, yeah I’ve got some of them now as well, The good thing for me is I get I get to see where… not only where I’ve been, which I’ve been in many of them, you know, living but where I could go after just a couple of bad decisions down the line. That could so easily be me again. And, you know what I mean, just misfortune, whatever it is that leads you to there. You know what I mean?

So it’s good for me to see it and keep it fresh in my mind to see how difficult life is. Some people, myself included, when I was in there, you know, don’t get me wrong, you know, it’s not a it’s not easy. It’s not easy to do. But I find it gets easier the more I do it. I’m learning new skills about myself. Like I’ve always been good at  communication, but I’m finding there is more than one way to get that communication across, It’s not all about blarting out about yourself all about, you know sometimes it’s about actively listening and then finding identification in, you know.

I hope it’s encouraging to people that we do reach out to in the in reach Because, you know, people struggle. I was somewhere the other day, this mental health place, It was tough to see, Cause that’s not really me… I’ve always considered myself, you know, there’s nothing wrong with my mental health. Well i say that but all those years in addiction, there’s definitely something going on. Therefore, I think that’s why I continue to do it, because like I said, there is something in helping someone without a doubt,. You know, I don’t believe there’s any such thing as an altruistic act but the motive i have for doing is that i it keeps me well, so why wouldn’t I continue to do it?

When I was first moved to supported accommodation, I spent about three months there and then my son, who couldn’t live with his mother anymore came and moved in with me. It was only a studio flat, and he was there. So, I had to sleep on the floor.  

While I was sleeping on the floor…they knew my son was living there, they knew it was only a small little flat, and they knew that it was difficult. But I spent four and a half years sleeping on the floor, and I think this is because I was quiet. My mental health wasn’t good, so it was very difficult to put my point across. 

So, I think I said I had no problem accessing the services, but I had a problem with them hearing me because I didn’t cause any problems. I was quiet, I was shy, or I wasn’t shy it was just the mental health that was stopping me. And so, I couldn’t get my message across. They knew that I was sleeping on the floor. They knew how difficult things were for me.  

But because I wasn’t causing a storm or anything and I was just asking them, wasn’t causing problems and that, I just got pushed to one side. We had other people in there who were causing a ruckus and a storm, and they were getting things done. I used to say things… my mental health was so bad I couldn’t look people in the eye properly. But I used to think stuff that I said, but I hadn’t actually said it. I’d only said it in my head, but it hasn’t come out of my mouth. So, I wasn’t getting across really well.  

And this meant, again, that I wasn’t getting what I should have had. I mean, no one should have to sleep on the floor for three and a half years. It was horrible. It’s uncomfortable and it was awkward. And having my son in there with me, it was very, very cramped. And he was at school at the time. I mean he was 13 when he moved in with me.  

They see him going to school every morning and they see him coming back every afternoon and I’ve told them he was with me and I needed something done, but nothing happened because I didn’t cause a storm or didn’t stir anything up, until someone actually helped me and said no this is wrong, he shouldn’t be here. 

So, honestly believe me, it doesn’t matter whether you’re quiet and don’t say the proper things or push for it, or just don’t cause them problems so they just push you aside, or someone who shouts and screams and they get told they’re awkward or they get done just to get rid of them. They get what they need to get rid of them. I think it should be done and governed by your needs.  

If the person’s needs are there and they’ve been identified, which they do identify with everybody, then they should work it out on their needs. It’s not. A lot of the time it is who shouts loudest, gets it done. And I wasn’t shouting, my mental health wouldn’t allow me to do it. So, I wasn’t causing a problem. I wasn’t awkward. So they just pushed you to one side. I wasn’t causing them a problem and three and a half years was a long time to sleep on the floor, believe me. 

Hi, here at Listen Up we often write about focus or awareness days – who doesn’t love them… well, me for a start…! 

For example, 6th March is Spring Budget day… so you have a fortnight to digest it ready for celebrating International Day of Happiness on the 20th March ☺️ 

Just imagine a budget from Mr Hunt that sets out a brighter future for some of our most isolated, vulnerable people, struggling families hopeful of being able to buy themselves enough healthy food to eat, have enough money for life’s basic needs, warmth, a roof to sleep under… not unachievable for a first World country eh 😤… 

Now, not everything announced by Government on budget day has to be fiscal 🤔… they could agree to loosen systems, sanction benefits for genuine people less, create a culture of kindness to another human being by not demonising people, procedures or processes…  

Not everyone is a fraudster, far far from it. Nor is their chaos any different to those behind ‘model citizen’s’ doors, yet that’s a quiet, hidden, acceptable chaos that doesn’t get sanctioned! Or support withdrawn… does it!?  

Where am I going with this you ask… I’m asking myself as I write… I guess it’s a call out to the whole of government, civil service included: you are employed by the taxpayers to provide fairness across all the citizens of the UK, not cherry pick for votes… and this includes opposition parties… I have a vote which you desire… therefore, in order for me to tick your voting booth box… quite simply, create a place where I don’t make my future dependant on having to tick every single box to receive what I’m already legally invited to receive to live a fair life in society. 

Set your alarm for the 20th March now, and I’ll join you in the celebration of our new sustainable brighter futures… or will it not quite evolve like that… let’s see if we get a Chancellor’s budget or a Chancer’s one 🙄 

Miles  

Compassion, not merely a benevolent gesture, but an affirmation of shared existence.  

A compassionate approach extends beyond the material to the ethereal; it encompasses the acknowledgment of every individual’s dignity. Simple acts of kindness – a warm conversation, a shared meal – can serve as beacons of humanity in a desolate urban landscape. 

Compassion is the skeleton key unlocking the manacles of homelessness and marginalisation. 

By recognising the shared humanity within every person experiencing homelessness and advocating for systemic metamorphosis, we work towards a society that prioritises understanding over condemnation. The call for compassion is not a mere moral prerogative; it is a collective obligation to forge a world where every individual, irrespective of circumstance, is treated with dignity and offered the prospect of a future. 

The first time I ever saw a ‘REAL’ computer was in the 80’s just before graduating from the College of Economics and Administration. I was 19 at the time and after 4 years of studying touch-typing, typing through carbon paper to create copies, shorthand, telegram and even IT technology which meant how 1’s and 0’s work as bites.

We were shown something amazing and advanced – a real desktop computer! It was a large box, deep screen and a keyboard. We were not allowed to touch it, but they explained one important thing –  ‘The slot in the middle of the box was for a floppy disc (old-fashioned kind of square DVD slot for those who do not remember). It was NOT an ashtray – very important! Smoking in the office was normal, so it was a fair assumption for us to expect an ashtray in the middle of the computer.  

Fast forward a few years. I was in my 20’s and working as a secretary for a team of professionals at the Ministry of Education. My superiors were school inspectors in their 50’s. The Window’s computers were just introduced into the office and our employer provided training. The professionals really struggled. But I was feeling on the top of the world and so clever. I managed with ease to do things such as opening and closing a Word document, drag and drop and even copy and paste. My future looked bright.  

Fast forward further. I am now 50 something years old and someone who really struggles with technology. It has all changed so much since the 80’s. Nowadays children see laptops and smartphones even before they can talk. As they grow, they understand social media with ease and more often than not, a lot better than their parents. 

Now everybody is expected to carry a smartphone, bank online, shop online, master social media, online meetings, even to book and order things from the doctors. I cannot make sense of most of it and it is a true struggle that leaves me anxious. I see it as crazy that people nowadays just wave their debit card or their phone at the card readers on the tube gates, whilst having all their banking on the phone as well.  

In the past I got used to the traditional pen and paper management. While working in the office I was in charge of the archiving. Every single paper produced in the office was kept for 7 years in an especially dedicated large room. I now try to do the same with my writings, things I found on the internet and even my open tabs on my computer and phone. I am afraid of losing something if I close them because I do not know how to find things again. I have been told this is what causes my devices to freeze or stop working.  

I also struggle with passwords. I just cannot remember them. When I forgot the password to my Groundswell phone I went straight to a phone shop. I was told to throw the phone away if I did not happen to remember it as they could not help. This was extremely frightening. I was lucky, because I eventually found it.  I also forgot the password to my new computer, a device I did not use for a long time because I was afraid I would not know how to use it as it was new and I was not accustomed to it. I was worried I could break it somehow.   

Another issue is the way things are changing so rapidly and I am not able to keep up. Teams replacing Zoom, an application that I cannot download to my old computer, so I was forced to open the new computer, only to discover I did not know how to access the application [Teams] because I couldn’t find the password.   

I am also afraid of any online storage as I do not trust it. Things can disappear or somebody may misuse my information. That is why I need devices with large storage. The problem is it always overflows. My phone stopped working properly due to full storage. My email storage is 92% full and I am getting reminders it could stop working. I have never in my life deleted an email. I am too afraid something would go wrong with the whole inbox, where I have my important documents that I struggle to find already. 

However, I am lucky that I have the opportunity to come into the Groundswell office and get  face to face help from my mentor, Mat. Mat had a look onto my devices. We opened my new computer and he worked out how to get a new password through forgotten passwords. So my computer can be used now. He uploaded Teams for me, so that I can use it to attend the Listen Up! meetings. It was a bit complex as Teams does not seem to like my personal email. Mat has registered me on my Listen Up! reporters email instead, something that he created for me some time ago.  

He also fixed my Telegram app on my phone that had stopped working, so I can now see what is happening and communicate with others on the Listen Up! project via it. He also copied all my phone photos and recordings on to an external disk, so I can free space to make the phone usable again. 

Mat also suggested it was not a good idea to leave many tabs open and that bookmarking them was a more efficient way. As luck would have it, I have recently experienced a little computing disaster. My computer had been freezing to the point I could not open my email or download documents, so I restarted it in order to improve performance. But to my shock and horror, I pressed something wrong. My chrome did not open any of my many tabs (about 100+) that had been opened. They disappeared. I was livid. All the information collected for many years lost in my tabs, now closed! I spent 8 hours just searching my history trying to recover what I could. At the end of it I was exhausted and confused so much that I opened wrong links multiple times only to be afraid to ever close those again as more could be lost. 

So the idea of learning how to use bookmarks instead  suddenly seemed like a good idea. Mat has also offered to upload Telegram on my computer so that it is easier for me to put through reports for Listen Up!. 

I am fortunate that I am receiving help. I have also received help with access to technology. However, there are people who struggle on their own as they do not have anyone to help them with their devices or explain how to do things and how things work.  

The world seems to have gone crazy. Everything including booking NHS appointment or dealing with benefits or the council rent account requires access to internet and the ability to use it.  Even booking a train ticket requires an online transaction instead of going to the train station.  Going for a swim has become inaccessible to many now as there is an expectation to book and pay online instead of turning up and paying cash. And people who do not master technology or cannot afford it are left behind, unable to do basic things that were simple to achieve in the past.   

 Is there any solution to this, or are people just going to be more excluded and left behind? Any ideas? 

Imagine the worst question you could face at the start of any conversation with someone new. Using my magical powers of I didn’t know how else to start writing this, so humour me, I’m going to guess it was some variation of “tell me a bit about yourself.”

If that wasn’t what you were thinking, then this piece probably won’t interest you – but before you click off, scroll down to the image below, and then decide if you really aren’t interested in what I might have to say.

Are we all ready to continue? Good. I’ll stop asking rhetorical questions now. [Note from future Tess: There continues to be rhetorical questions.]

I’m never entirely sure if the person asking for information about who I am is interested in my ‘identity’ or ‘self’.

Identity is:

• a person’s name and other facts about who they are.

Self is:

• ideas about the type of person one really is.

Identity I can answer. Kind of. Although, how am I supposed to know what is relevant to the question? Is it about right now or do they want some kind of timeline; do they want biographical details (“I’m Tess, my star sign is Virgo, I was born in the morning which could explain why I dislike mornings so much”); do they want to know what charities I work for/volunteer for/donate to (all different)? There’s a lot that could be unpacked.

Unsurprisingly, I carry a couple of mental health diagnoses. This is a symptom of one:

Unclear or shifting self-image. […] your sense of self is typically unstable. Sometimes you may feel good about yourself, but other times you hate yourself, or even view yourself as evil. You probably don’t have a clear idea of who you are or what you want in life. As a result, you may frequently change jobs, friends, lovers, religion, values, goals, or even sexual identity. From HelpGuide.org

To surmise – I don’t have a clue who the fuck I am. There is no coherent thread across all the various versions of me. My likes and dislikes change with situations, circumstances, mood, time of day, day of the week, season, location… I’m not sure I’m ever the same person at any two times.

I don’t feel like I belong to any community as everything is always in flux. I won’t go down the ‘belong to’ road. I’d like to finish writing this before I reach retirement.

My relationship with myself can be best described in a phrase I’ve stolen from my boyfriend – “high regard, low self-esteem.” 75% of the time my self-esteem is beneath the floor – I can’t stand myself – however, I will become very defensive, very quickly if backed into a corner. The 25% of the time I’m not hating myself, I know my worth and god forbid anyone who overlooks me.

All my jobs and volunteer roles have been found impulsively or at someone else’s suggestion. They have been opportunities that I’ve done with no planning or real thought to anything beyond immediate circumstance.

Occasionally I will have an anxious response to something. I’ll typically listen to those. They aren’t really healthy though – most of my anxiety responses are bedded in trauma, such as all the way I jump when someone knocks on the front door, or I hear a car door slam (homelessness alarm bells).

The way I view myself can be best summed up in this image:

That’s right. The skull alien from Men in Black. My conscious ‘self’ is an alien reading all the outputs from my robot body and navigating my environment as best it can. That’s probably what a brain is but I’m not falling down another rabbit hole. Brains are lumps of jelly – how can that create thought and all the other things we are able to do? I’d much rather consider an alien in there working stuff out than a slimy sponge.

How is that alien meant to calibrate all the variables on top of everything else and also figure out what my favourite type of crisp is? It’s hard! Especially when you factor in that I really like ready salted crisps now, but when they were the only crisps at my grandparents’ house, I hated them! What does that mean??

How about what is my favourite type of weather? I don’t know! Am I trying to get somewhere, am I sat inside with a book, am I on a train, is it hot or cold, am I in a city or at the coast or in the countryside, am I in a good mood – the answer to my favourite weather changes with each of those!

Anyway, getting back to “tell me a bit about yourself” – no, try asking a proper question.

Advocacy

Healthcare Access

Mental Health

Physical Health

Stigma

Women’s Perspectives

I’m Nawshin,  I’ve done a lot of policy work with Groundswell in the form of YouTube, podcasts and writing. Whilst also being on boards/steering groups for people participation in East London, NHS Foundation Trust. I have 13+ years experience in people/project management and advocacy for marginalised groups.  

Read all of Nawshin’s articles

Advocacy Healthcare Access Mental Health Physical Health Stigma Women’s Perspectives

It’s all about that four letter word…. H…E…L….P… HELP!

When I grew up under Thatcher in the mid to late 1980s everything was about customer service.  How do you make a better experience for your customer without them even asking. That approach even seeped into the charitable and public sector too, for a little while.

Ergonomically designed DHSS waiting rooms, calls answered by human beings, on Freephone numbers, if you didn’t get what you needed at the Housing Office all you had to do was insist on seeing a manager and like a magic wand all things were sorted.

Today though, everything is about how people can avoid helping. A simple email request for assistance leads to 100s of emails to-ing and fro-ing to get the most basic things done and even that invariably will not lead to a solution but to simply being ignored.

Take my doctors, they use an e-consult service, which on the surface is a good idea, however the problems it generates are tenfold.  You spend ages inserting information, filling in fields which inevitably don’t precisely cover what you are looking for, so you fill in information in the “any other information” box, laying out clearly what’s needed.

But the system automatically sends you off for tests and you don’t actually see your doctor for another two weeks. By then you have the expectation that the doctor will have all the information you supplied in all of those boxes in front of them, but they don’t, they just have the results.  So you come away realising that you haven’t covered many things you wanted to discuss, the moles that concerned you, which is why they gave you the blood tests to check for cancer, but they still haven’t told you if those moles could be a problem? Because you were anticipating all your questions submitted on the form would be addressed in the consult, you forget they are missed until you get back to your accommodation.

So you drop them an email follow up, but they respond by telling you, you have to fill in the same form that the doctor ignored in the first place and we’re off on the merry-go-round again.

If people want to help they do. They don’t find reasons not to. But culturally Britain has now all become “Computer Says No” drones. Not having a thread of decency in society is a real problem when you’re poor and experiencing homelessness.

Anything that isn’t easy takes away what little strength you have. So if you reach out and say, “can you help me with this?” and rather, ironically, as most people experiencing homelessness would do, say “of course” and do so, what you’ll get back from those people paid to help, is a long nonsensical list of why they can’t.

You’ll then evidence why what they’ve said is all nonsense, taking hours of your time which would be far better spent on other things, all of which they’ll ignore and come back to you with yet more nonsensical responses that doesn’t relate to anything you’ve written, so you’ll then get a third party to agree with your interpretation of things, just to put your mind at ease that you are not going entirely mad, and when that third party concurs, it’s at that point the charity, local authority or DWP will simply ignore your correspondence.

I mean, what are you going to do?

In the 21st century or at least since 2010, there are no consequences whatsoever for people failing to do their jobs only for taking responsibility for something. So we have a culture of fear, of blaming anyone but me and if I do nothing, I can’t be blamed for the ‘something’ I’ve not done.

It’s insane, but here we are.

And it’s always the utterly smallest things, that take seconds that have the biggest impacts, that people won’t assist with.

BT has free Wi-Fi absolutely everywhere, if you have their code you would never not get online (especially here in London), but does BT offer it to charities to give to those experiencing homelessness? No. Why? Who knows. Maybe because it would be helpful.

Google could set up systems specifically for those who are homeless and who need backups of everything as it’s exceedingly likely their devices will be broken or stolen, but that isn’t going to earn anyone money, simply make life better for members of society and who wants that?

Even something as miniscule as retweeting something someone experiencing homelessness has posted, could literally be a life-saving action, it takes less than a second, but nope, not even here do you get much assistance.

Help. It used to be our default to assist, now it’s our default to walk away.

Until those that work in the welfare institutions, start being human (for that is what helping each other is, a benefit to society as a whole) the homeless death counts will continue to rise and we as a society will care less and less.

So if you are ever in a position to help, grab it, do it, and you’ll possibly save someone’s life, and they may, in return, help you!

—

Join us: We see the the hub as the start of a movement of people, all united in the belief that elevating our voices will challenge stereotypes and help decision makers end homeless health inequalities. Join us by signing up to our mailing list – the Listen Up! mail out.

So, my health journey continues with my trip today to the teeth police, or dentists to be more polite.

Thankfully, I get a reasonable pass for my work! – although I could do better with my brushing technique, hence a recommendation to spend time with a hygienist on top of the £40 cost for today’s uncovering.

Given that it’s hard enough to find the £40, another £50 is making me sweat and wonder how the hell I’ll afford the second booking… I do make the booking, on the understanding that I can cancel it with a weeks’ notice.

So, on tonight’s plan, like normal, but highlighted by things today, a tin of soup, or pot noodle under the duvet with an hour’s jungle telly lighting up my flat walls and then sleep, dreaming of ways to budget, maybe make more savings… from where, I haven’t a clue, but I’m a creative bugger so all I can say is I hope to…. that’s the word I cling to… HOPE!

Myalgic encephalomyelitis [ME] aka chronic fatigue syndrome [CFS] is a serious long-term condition that impacts multiple systems in the body.  Sufferers can experience severe fatigue and persistent insomnia, while symptoms can be severely exacerbated as the result of physical, mental and emotional exertion, no matter how minor.[this phenomenon is known as post-exertional malaise].

May 12th was chosen as the day to raise awareness of the condition because it is the birthday of nurse Florence Nightingale. Many medical historians believe she developed ME/CFS as a result of a chronic brucellosis infection. Of course she wasn’t diagnosed with it because the name Chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS) wasn’t used until the mid 1980s  when the term was coined by the CDC in response to an outbreak of “chronic flu-like illness” in Incline Village, Lake Tahoe and several other outbreaks and sporadic cases in the United States.

After being forced to move recently, Paul talks about the way in which his new environment impacts on his condition. Too often people look at problems through their own lens and fail to understand just how severely people with ME/CFS are impacted, even by seemingly small  changes in environment.  Mat Amp [Project Coordinator] 

When people talk about my MECFS they often cite this paragraph on the MEpedia page about me.

“CFS sufferers are the masters of Cost Benefit Analysis. Every decision has to be weighed up and merited for its benefits. Do I shower OR wash-up, won’t have the energy to do both, which is the most beneficial. Shop or Cook? Eat or drink? We work in 10 minute chunks, we know the distance and energy required to get to a shop, but If the products we are going for have moved 3 shelves inside, we won’t make it. We’d planned and exerted perfectly but any deviation, we’ll be reliant on the assistance of someone to get us home.”[5]

https://me-pedia.org/wiki/Paul_Atherton

But those impacts are never considered by Social Workers, Housing Officers or the DWP. The very essence to how I manage my time and what makes me successful is the least concern for the people paid to support me.

Only in the insanity of the 21st Century would that make any sense to anyone.

The results of my 3 months of housed security during “Everyone In” April to July 2021, access to a working shower, ability to cook and manage my own food purchases was manifest in my story for The Bureau of Investigative Journalism twitter takeover.

Healthy, relaxed, toned and clean.

https://mobile.twitter.com/bureaulocal/status/1276455225965109249/photo/1

https://mobile.twitter.com/bureaulocal/status/1276546649083478017

Paul Atherton FRSA

AUDIO TRANSCRIPT

Environment is everything. As many of you know, last week, this being Monday the 26th of April 2021, last week I moved into new accommodation. The upside- windows, daylight. I had opaque glass at the previous accommodation and that was incredibly oppressive considering we were stuck in all the time. The other upside is I’m closer to the park. This makes a huge difference to my mental health, my ability to turn around what could potentially be a serious chronic fatigue syndrome crash. You see, it took me fifteen minutes to walk to a park at my previous…from here it’s four.

Now, whilst for most people fifteen minutes won’t be here nor there, to a CFS sufferer, fifteen minutes can be the difference between getting out or not getting out. So four minutes there, four minutes back is eight minutes. It’s half the time of what I had to get there previously and sometimes that’s all you’ve got. Sometimes you’ve just got eight minutes of energy in you. But it means if it’s a fifteen minute walk, you won’t make the attempt to walk, it’s too far. An eight minute walk allows you to get to the park and sometimes just get to a bench, come back, but that’s better than not getting out.

That’s likely to make your recovery quicker. It’s not always possible but it helps. But the downsides of where I am is there are no supermarkets or no Tescos or Waitrose or anything of that nearby. There is a NISA, literally a minute or two around the corner, which you may say is great, except it is four times more expensive. than a supermarket would be so let’s take something as simple as a packet of biscuits, a packet of dark chocolate digestives in this shop costs nearly three pounds. Normally, we get them for about a pound 30. Milk is the only thing that’s about the same price. But I try to avoid drinking milk, it makes me bloat, it causes all kinds of various impacts on my condition, so it’s not a good thing to have. So I normally have a milk alternative, either sort of almond milk or coconut milk or anything of that sort. In the local Marks and Spencers I can usually pick up a litre carton for a pound. In Nisa it’s three. That’s beyond my expenditure.

The other thing I don’t have here is a workable kitchen. The fridge is in desperate need of a deep clean, it’s been cleaned once, but there’s a stale stench that I can’t get rid of and taints anything that goes in the fridge. I haven’t had running hot water for a week. Oddly enough, the shower is on a separate heating unit, so I can at least shower, but the shower is broken. Now, for an MSF sufferer, anything that stops you from doing something can scupper your entire day.

And one of the most important steps of the day is getting to the bathroom, brushing your teeth, and then the next step is a shower. If the shower is a problem, it will knock you off your perch. They’re little things, they’re inconsequential things or can be to other people, but to chronic fatigue sufferers they are sometimes insurmountable. And this is often what’s forgotten when people are placed anywhere in this sort of ‘aren’t you lucky to have a roof over your head type attitude.’

Now in this context? I’m actually incredibly grateful because this isn’t a state delivered thing. This was the hotel manager doing his utmost to make sure I stayed inside. Then that is a generous thing, then that is someone going beyond the call and of course, you’re appreciative of that. But even with that in mind I am now having to eat out. Previously, I was spending about six pound a day to get three really healthy meals. I’d lost weight, I looked good, I felt good, the exercise was helping inordinately. Everything was just better. And I know I probably talked about this before, but it was, it was just better.

But that was only for the first three months. That was  ‘Everyone In’.  That was just from where I landed from April 3rd to July the 3rd. After that because of the insecurity, all of that good work vanished. And so here I am now with an unworkable kitchen, a difficult to deal with bathroom. I’ve lost the separation of living room and bedroom because I’m now in a studio, so the bed is in that space. I don’t have a table or chairs. I have a couple of sofas, but that’s it. And that means I can’t sit up, it means I can’t get breakfast, so I often don’t eat until midday when I go out to buy something out so I can sit at a table and eat proper food. That means that my expenses have gone from six pounds a day to nearly twenty. That isn’t sustainable for very long.

My social worker hasn’t organised food parcels or anything of that ilk, and so everything’s a whirlwind at the moment. But I just wanted to keep coming back to this notion of environment – the idea that where you are impacts on how you feel, how you function. And it’s so often forgotten. ‘Look, here’s an accommodation, go off and do that’ and you’re like ‘but there are so many other facets to that’ And this is what people keep saying again and again and again. You cannot just place people inside. That is not the solution for those people experiencing homelessness. You have to take the person as a whole, and find accommodation to meet their needs, not have accommodation and just chuck them in it.